- Spoiler:
- Drizzy wrote:
- Name: One Draw Style: One Ton Press.
Rank: D.
Element: N/A.
Skill: Bukijutsu / Kenjutsu.
Hand Signs: N/A.
Description: The most basic attack of the one draw style which involves Kurihara finally unsheathing her sword and then performing a simple, albeit full powered, slash at their target. The direction or form of the attack can be done in anyway, albeit traditionally she would do it with two two hands and vertically so as to get the most out of it. The obvious drawback of the technique would be the fact that the attack is very basic and requires the her to actually get close to her opponent, which of course leaves her herself possibly open. Without prior focus and charge, range is exactly within the reach of her sword and arm, the attack itself strikes at a speed of twelve & a half [12.5] m/s and has a potency of twenty-five [25]. As mentioned though, the One Draw Style focuses on accumulation of power, and so there are various ways in which the technique can not only gain power, but lose it:
- Every turn spent charging the technique increases potency and speed by the base value (12.5 m/s, 25 potency).
- Every time she is hit, the potency and speed of the attack increases by the amounts of the technique in question.
- Every time she inflicts damage to someone other than with this technique itself, the potency and speed decreases by the same value.
- Due to it being against her nature to avoid hardships, every time she dodges, it decreases by the values of the attack dodged.
1 - ONE TON PRESS;
"slash at their target"; I am assuming that this is a personal technique of your yet-to-be-made character - thus explaining why you used an actual name, and "she" earlier in the description. Thus "slash at the target" would fare better - since it is odd to go from "she" to "their".
"can be done in anyway", it would be "any way". As anyway is thought as "regardless" or "in any case".
"she would do it with two two hands", I imagine she has the usual set of arms, though if she happens to have 4-arms; ignore this. It would sound better if it were written as "wielding it two-handed; she would swing vertically" or something to that effect. It sounds more technical in my opinion.
"and requires the her to actually", I imagine that is an unwanted "the".
" leaves her herself possibly open", yet again, I imagine that you accidentally typed a word too many.
Though otherwise - the description of the technique in itself is good; and I appreciate that you place an effort into the description despite it consisting nothing more than a traditional slash. I would prefer if you capitalize and put in quotes One Draw Style whenever mentioning it within the techniques - since I imagine it's important enough to warrant such treatment. Welp then, that'll be everything'; now unto the finer details.
You have previously mentioned via the description that without proper charging, the range is the exact length of her blade - you seem to have failed making any reference to this elsewhere. Was this accidental? Or were you thinking of increasing or decreasing the range depending on how long the technique was charged? If so - please fix this whilst keeping in mind D-Ranks being limited to 50 jutsu stats. The speed is an issue - in the sense that speed is derived purely from your own physical prowess rather than generated with the level of the technique (as the case with ninjutsu and such). Thus as it stands, I cannot approve this technique in reason of that; as you should not be able to move faster than your maximum speed - though you could do it via a discreet manner.
I would be alright with the technique not having any speed modifiers initially (0 m/s) - though the longer you charge the blade (put more strength into it), the faster it will become. Thus allowing you to gain an additional burst of speed on-top of your actual speed stat - or if you're feeling creative, please feel free to try something else. Though naturally, the amount of additional speed generated by this technique will be much lower than your initial 12.5 m/s (as that is absurdly quick in reference to the speed stat). Potency will have to lower on two-separate fronts: both its initial amount, and its boost per charge.
You should think of Potency as more than just raw power - most people as of now consider Potency = Raw power; and that it is all that is good for. Whilst you should be looking at other aspects - such as how it would refer to raw power, the durability, the finesse, etc of a technique. Separate - rather than combined. Whilst I will not nag at you to put more points into other domains of Potency - I will advise you do as such, as otherwise it will be used against you in the future. It will do quite a bit of damage - but it may be easily argued that you suddenly dropped your blade during the execution of the technique (whether with no real problematic scenario or not). Will it definitely happen? That will depend on the other roleplayer, but if called, they'll have more of a right to that claim than you would. Hence it would serve you well to reserve five points toward the technical aspect (of which will include keeping your grip, and subsequently not mess up during most scenarios and lose your blade mid-fight; as well as the boosting mechanic of the technique itself). You might also want to spend more points in other domains rather than Power in terms of Potency - as power will mostly derive from the blade itself, as well as your own personal strength stat (arguably speed as well). Though that is up to you.
In order to prevent from any absurdity from occurring in the future with this technique (and subsequent techniques following this sort of style) - I will have you impose a cap on the maximum amount of potency, speed, and range. I also imagine that you cannot charge whilst moving - as such, please note that within the description. If you feel that you should be able to do so - I'll explain it as it being rather difficult to "power-up" whilst moving around, as well as the style being described as a patient style awaiting for the right moment to strike. Though feel free to attempt to persuade me otherwise.
As mentioned before, potency and speed gained per post spent charging will have to be lowered significantly - probably 2 speed, and 10 potency in terms of power. Though depending on the technique after other changes have been made, you may potentially use higher values if you so desire - provided that they are reasonable.
I do not see how that if she were to get hit whilst using this technique, that she would suddenly perform a stronger version of the technique. I imagine you want a counter-based type of deal - where you await until the opportune moment during an opponent's attack to swing and cause increased damage. Which is fine as a concept - albeit you would logically take more damage if you miss/get hit before executing the technique than normally. But, essentially absorbing the speed and power of the technique being used against you - is too much. Please think of another way, I imagine a straight-up value added atop of your boosts would be fine. Though that may not be exactly what you want.
Lowering the speed and potency of the technique whenever using any technique other than this - would that not be... normal? Since you cannot perform two techniques simultaneously (in most cases anyway), you would have instant zero everything regarding this technique as you've decided to use another. Or do you mean that you lose your bonus speed + potency when attacking with an ordinary strike (such as a punch or kick)? Perhaps I'm misunderstanding something - but I don't see this feature working properly as you may intend. I like the idea of being punished for essentially abandoning your style whilst fighting - though it would have to be through a different manner, unless you can properly explain to me how it would work exactly (which even then, may potentially warrant a few changes).
That should be my immediate concerns, though when I review this yet again after some changes or back-and-forth between you and I, some additional things may be mentioned that I've neglected to say or otherwise not thought of at this current moment.